My “The Rational Male” reading notes

I read Rollo Tomassi’s “The Rational Male” book around mid-March 2014. I took about 28 pages of notes, including my own thoughts on the topic. I run across the notebook with all the handwritten material recently and I found it interesting to review my own thoughts six years later. I am going to publish it here “as is”, without editing. My own comments will be provided as quotes. Unquoted text is the notes themselves.

There’s no ONE. This “soul-mate” idealisation is mostly a delusion akin religious belief in “the god”.

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

Tip: See yourself as a prize to be sought after.

He’s playing on the same inner game note that everybody else. However, I believe now that, in certain circumstances, the external change CAN and WILL produce significant internal change that no amount of “positive thinking” or “visualisation” will.

He says, it’s hard work unplugging chumps from the matrix. I say, don’t do it at all unless asked (or even begged to). And even then, test them thoroughly if they are ready.

Real Power is a degree to which a person has control over their own circumstances.

Cardinal rule of the relationship – you cannot negotiate a genuine desire.

Well, as David DeAngelo said, attraction isn’t a choice.

Keep the secrets. Women NEVER want full disclosure. Familiarity is anti-seductive. Nothing kills game, passion and libido like comfortable familiarity.

You need to cultivate the element of unpredictability about yourself prior to and into the relationship. Always remember, perfect is boring.

In LTR, she must be reminded daily why you are fun, unpredictable and exciting, not only to her but to other women as well. So, covertly imply that other women desire you too.

Get in shape, make more money, get a higher status – DHV to increase sexual desire.

It seems to me that a lot of Game and manosphere advice is tailored towards spoiled Western women. No doubt the principles are universal, but the whole believe systems about male & female roles in the relationship are different in the feminist Westert countries and elsewhere like E.E. and S.E.A.

Break patterns of your own behaviour to make your girl’s pussy wet.

Women behaviour of “prerogative to change her mind” and the demand for males to “do the right thing” are elements of social conditioning in the advantage of women’s reproductive strategy.

I also think that making men who shamelessly pursue their own reproductive strategy (e.g. fuck as many women as possible) villains is good for “rulers” as an effective “crowd control” method.

In our genetic past a man with good genes implied the ability to be a good provider. This is not so anymore, thus “Alpha fucks & beta bucks”.

Rejection is better than regret. Do the opposite – increase your exposure to female rejection.

There is a tendency in personality to “compensate” for deficiencies (eg. short man complex). When we compensate (and Game and PUA are from of compensation) we fake it till we make it but eventually it becomes an integrated part of out personality.

Alphas are unapologetically Alphas. They are zen-like in their alphahood. You are not Alpha because of your achievements, you have your achievements because you are Alpha. Real Alpha doesn’t give shit if he’s Alpha or not or if his behaviour is “Alpha enough”.

Being Alpha implies that you necessarily rise above the certain degree of common mediocrity.

Alphaness is NOT exclusive to social status and personal integrity. It is an attitude of expressly manifested traits.

And these traits can be modelled and learned (and taught)

Morality is not connected or relevant to alphaness (as well as money and status).

“Everything the has been achieved in the history of mankind has been achieved by nit being safe” – Lenny from Motörhead

Alpha “energy” is determined by “starting genetic package” and further refined by the social conditioning.

Everybody has a [sexual] strategy (substitute “sexual” for anything). It can be functional or dysfunctional or anything in between.

Plate Theory – Spin More Plates!

Confidence is derived from having options.

One of the NLP premises is that all procedures should work towards increasing choice.

A man with options has power. Necessitous men are never free. Apply shotgun mentality. Go wide and scatter as much influence across the board as possible. In LTR maintain covert perception of having options (professionally and sexually alike).

Plate Theory encourages natural selection. You will learn what you require for your own personal satisfaction. Also, opportunity and options make a man a PRIZE.

Demonisation of the Plate Theory (seeing multiple women simultaneously) is the instrument to maintain the false premise of women as prime selectors in the sexual relations. The truth is, if a man select a sexual partner, this is a natural threat to feminine primacy in sexual selection that diminishes the pussy power.

The way to circumvent it is to be brutally honest with the plates you are spinning and be committed to non-exclusivity. So, you do not commit to one girl but all of your girls don’t have any illusion of being your exclusive girl.

Have standards. If you can spin a plate, it doesn’t mean you should.

Women would rather share a high value man than to be saddled with a faithful loser.


  • Do not slip into any routine with a woman.
  • Ignore her “rules”.
  • Do not contact her more than necessary to set ups a new sporadic date.
  • Save a weekend for women who are proven to be DTF with you.
  • Non-exclusivity in practice needs to be covert. It needs to be implied, not declared.

You’ve got to break out of “LTR as a goal” mentality. Monogamy should never be a goal. Monogamy could be a byproduct (only when you filtered through enough plates).

With plates, communicate non-exclusivity covertly through your behaviour; create value through scarcity, be just enough available to keep her interested and wondering that you might have another options.

When a woman press for exclusivity:

  • Let her drop.
  • Ignore her for a couple of weeks and re-set; your value will increase.

This is basically Blackdragon’s Soft Next and Hard Next

Confidence is derived from having options. You are confident when you can generate enough options and spin enough plates.

You don’t find a perfect woman, you make perfect woman.

You cannot help anyone until you helped yourself. True power lies in the ability to control your own life and your own choices. Commitment to ANYTHING limits this.

Woman is only a compliment to man’s life, never focus of it.

Anxiety in women is good for men.

It is socially acceptable for women to spin plates. It is socially acceptable that a woman can always change her mind.

First principle of power – when you have power, always project powerlessness.

All women are sexual, you just need to be the right guy at the right time for the job.

Tip: Try not to answer the phone or text Friday and Saturday evenings even if you don’t have any other plans. This creates a perception that your attention is sought after and it increases in value.

Women shit-test to determine:

  • confidence
  • options
  • security

Spin plates as much as you can as in committed relationship you simply cannot spin plates.

Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work.

I’d say, just don’t do it at all.

Women have boyfriends and girlfriends. If you aren’t fucking her, you are her girlfriend.

Real arousal and intercourse are anxious and uncomfortable so just enough comfort should be built. That’s why LJBF doesn’t lead to real intimacy.

LJBF (Let’s Just Be Friends) is not an offer, it is a rejection. The response should be to walk away.

LDR (Long Distance Relationship) is not a relationship. Do not engage in it.

“Don’t sleep with another man’s wife” is a good commandment for times when polygamy was a norm and having multiple wives were a sign of affluence.

Women do not know what man’s honour is. It’s been distorted to suit the female imperative.

Essentially, having a platonic girlfriend and/or a female wingman are forms of delusion. Not worth it.

“Teaching PUA shills to these chumps is like giving dynamite to children” – Ross Jeffries

PUA shills are tools and adopting a positive masculine mindset prepares you for more. Tools don’t make AFC a Man.

AFC’s first and foremost need is to be deconditioned.

He’s now rambling about how it is impossible to plug back into the Matrix once you’ve been unplugged. I say, make sure you really want to change when you start to work on yourself, because once you’ve started, there’s no way back. You won’t be the same anymore. Many spiritual leaders say the same to their followers. Make sure you want to wake up, because sleep is comfortable and waking life might just well not be.

Human beings need predictability – it gives them a sense of control over others.

As David DeAngelo AKA Eden Pagan said, when you change, other people aren’t going to like it because the ways they use to manipulate you stop working.

You’ll be more consistently rewarded for your capacity to indirectly offend the women you want to get with.

You’ve got to kill the beta you to become something more.

Good old song of “to be born, you must die”.

The woman won’t appreciate you for your sacrifices.

Relationships aren’t work. In feminist world men are doing the “work” and women are giving them “grades”, so to speak.

Women should only be a compliment to a man’s life, never focus of it.

Scarcity increases value, and particularly when the reason for this scarcity is something that serves another’s interest.

What pisses off “serial monogamists” is the unspoken regret of having assumed the responsibilities, liabilities and accountability of what monogamy demands before they truly understood, much less realised their personal potential.

Fuck yeah ☝️

Women want a man other men want to be and other women want to fuck.


It’s important to have A LOOK.

Peacocking is not a style but an important PUA skill. The intent is to draw a subtle difference that draws a woman into your frame. Start with nice expensive shoes.

Or not, as everybody is doing it now.

Game as Power is neither good nor evil, it simply IS, and it’s about your capacity to use it. The context defines it. You can accept these principles or reject them but it doesn’t change them. And it doesn’t change the ability of someone else to use them [upon you].

The textbook definition of the Game 👇

Game is a series of behavioural modifications to life skills based of psychological and sociological principles to facilitate intersexual relations between genders.

He goes on rambling about Early Game of 2000s and how it was about “putting on” the behaviours to get “results”. Well, no shit, Sherlock. It all grew out of NLP due to Ross Jeffries’ efforts and it was all about modelling of the “naturals”. Too bad new generation has almost completely forgotten it.

Then he goes on rambling about “in-field” calibration and how this “toolset” helps you to get the girl but won’t let you deal with the deeper problems of getting into feminine meta-psychology and long term motivation.

Next he goes on rambling on “WHY” PUA stuff actually works.

My answer to these types of question is always “who gives a fuck”. It gets results and it is all that matters. It pisses the shit out of “why” type learners when I do it, lol.

I want results. I model someone who gets them consistently. I get same or better results. WHY it works is UNIMPORTANT, unless you’re a dorky university professor.

Next he’s going into how now the Game branched into various “married game”, “christianised game”, “high school game”. Pretty annoying to read.

This is what always happens when underground (in the past it was called esoteric) knowledge gets pushed to the masses. It turns to shit. It gets distorted. It gets misused. It happened to many old religions. It happened to the Game. It happened to the Internet. The list goes on.

Women in LTR want to get over that nagging hypergamic anxiety, they want emotional “security”, so to speak. That’s why they demand exclusivity.

That’s why in LTR there always must be [an implied] non-exclusivity.

Before LTR women are on the market with competition. Sex is fuelled by urgency as well as being “try before you buy” sample.

In LTR dynamics shift from qualification sex to utility sex. In uncommitted life sex is her tool of qualification but in LTR it’s a tool of compliance.

Woman’s imagination is the most powerful tool in the Don Juan’s toolbox. That is why non-exclusivity and “other possible women” need to be covert.

Women need to be told “NO!”

Nothing is as simultaneously fear inspiring and arousing for women as a man she suspects is aware of his own value.

JBY (Just Be Yourself) is a bullshit.

You are who you believe you are and who she perceives you to be.

Most people resist becoming what they hate (“jerks”), even if it’s a change for the better.

The perspiration of men with higher testosterone levels were deemed more sexually viable or arousing by women than men with low T-levels.

From a bio-mechanical perspective, the men who consistently fap are essentially broadcasting their status as Pheromonal Betas, and women subconsciously register this about them. High testosterone males manifest their sexual viability in both sexual assertiveness and scent.

Don’t get me started on semen retention. You’ll regret it.

Tips for provoking woman’s imagination in LTR:

  • Get to the gym
  • Dress better
  • Get a raise
  • Travel for work
  • Change your routine
  • Adopt a Game mentality
  • Hang out with new (and old) friends
  • Be cocky & funny with her

She wants you to rock the boat, it’s what makes her feel alive.

When woman is sending “mixed messages” – dump her. Woman with higher interest level won’t confuse you. If she wants to fuck you, she will find a way.

“Mixed messages” – spin other plates.

Married (or LTR) Game is essentially the same, only risks are higher and rewards are negligible by comparison. Marriage is only acceptable for men if it is within his own frame and on his own term. Marriage requires a much higher Game. Married men have much more to lose by “losing a girl” so the Game is more than just getting your wife to fuck you after the honeymoon.

When she checks out of the relationship, she doesn’t tell you because she’s checked out. The “communication” within the relationship therefore is a bullshit. Women want men to “just get it”. The guy she wants to fuck is dominant because that’s “the way he is”, instead of who she had to tell him to be.

Women NEVER want full disclosure.

Women would rather be objectified than idealised.

What do women really want? Maximised hypergamy with men being blissfully unaware of the said hypergamy.

Operational Social Conventions

  • Shame (men should date women their own age, single mothers, fat chicks, etc)

My biggest take on shame that it is the worst evil. It shouldn’t be tolerated or ignored.

  • The “shallow” effect. The burden is put on men under a threat of being perceived as “shallow”.

A lot of these “problems” will disappear if you are to stop caring what other people think.

  • Selection position insurance. Women are allowed to understand men, but they must remain a “mystery” to men.
  • Social escape clause. Women can change their mind at any time but men can’t. Default female victimhood. It always offers women a way out or dramatically reduces the responsibility.
  • Sexual competition sabotage. Gossip, “she’s a slut”, “he’s a fag” remarks to “kill” the competition in the sexual marketplace.
  • Gender role redefinition. “Men should get in touch with their feminine side”.

AFC’s Rationalisations:

  • The myth of “quality woman”. There are “quality women” and whores.
  • The myth of dodged bullet. Monogamy “prevents” STDs.
  • Location, location, location. “Quality women” don’t hang out in clubs and bars.
  • The myth of “other guys”. “I am not like the other guys”.

Whatever you cannot say “NO” to is your master and makes you its slave.

Women are genetically programmed to be “selective sluts”. All women have a capacity to throw away any caution in order to pursue her short term sexual strategy (hot quick Alpha sex). They want to have a freedom to pursue this short term sexual opportunity as well as freedom from social repercussions as a result.

Rollo doesn’t advise any guy under the age of 30 to even experiment with monogamy (spin plates instead).

I can’t agree more. Spin plates.

The funny thing about regret is, it’s better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven’t done.

The IRON Rules

  1. Frame is everything. Alway be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the frame but resist giving the impression that you are. You want a woman to enter your reality.
  2. Never covertly or overtly discuss your sexual past with your current lover.
  3. If she makes you wait for the sex, the sex is NEVER worth the wait. If she really wants to fuck you, she will find a way. There will be no wait. NEXT her and move on. Three dates to sex or NEXT.

I’d say two. Three is a way too long of the affair.

  1. Never under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to (or plan to marry).
  2. Never let women control the birth.
  3. Women are fundamentally incapable of loving a man in a way he expects to be loved by a woman. Women love opportunistically. Hypergamy defines who woman loves and who she will not.
  4. Don’t get her back. New relationship is a better investment of your time and resources.
  5. Always let the woman figure out why she won’t fuck you, never do it for her. The problem is not that we aim too high and fail, the problem is that we aim too low and succeed.
  6. Never put yourself down with a woman you intend to fuck. Nothing kills arousal like pity.

Apologetic equals shit. Never apologise. Never explain or justify your actions to yourself or others. Especially to yourself (male hamster).

Only a few men truly allowed themselves to be alone and learn real independence and self-reliance.

Rollo argues that “women are as sexual as men” is a bullshit. They have less testosterone responsible for libido plus their sexual desire is cyclical. This myth simply sexualised women without making them outright sluts.

Good girls are bad girls that never got caught.

Looks are important. Women want to shag Alphas that embody their physical ideal but it’s OK to keep “looks are not important” myth to secure betas post-Wall.

Women shit-test to determine the following:

  1. Confidence – most important.
  2. Options – is the guy really into me or he has no other options.
  3. Security – is he capable of providing long term security.

Women don’t want a man to cheat but they love a man who could cheat.

Now go and buy the book and read it yourself. The first volume is a must read. The rest of the series gets progressively annoying and preachy though.